


Welcome, Listeners, to the Shatterdome

by aunt_zelda



Category: Pacific Rim (2013), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Community: pacificrimkink, Crossover, Crush at First Sight, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-07
Updated: 2013-09-07
Packaged: 2017-12-25 22:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aunt_zelda/pseuds/aunt_zelda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“A friendly, multi-cultural complex where the Jaegers are shiny, the pilots are beautiful, and mysterious monsters from distant worlds attack us at random intervals. Welcome, listeners, to the Shatterdome.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome, Listeners, to the Shatterdome

**Author's Note:**

> Written for this prompt at the Pacific Rim Kink Meme:  
>  _http://pacificrimkink.livejournal.com/2747.html?thread=3145147#t3145147  
>  Welcome to Night Vale Crossover.   
> Do whatever you want with this as long as Hannibal Chau is cecil because man ron Perlman's voice is gold._
> 
> The Weather is taken from the song “The Night You Can’t Remember” by The Magnetic Fields. I do not own that at all.

“A friendly, multi-cultural complex where the Jaegers are shiny, the pilots are beautiful, and mysterious monsters from distant worlds attack us at random intervals. Welcome, listeners, to the Shatterdome.”

Hannibal Chau organizes his notes as the intro music plays. 

“Today, listeners, a new scientist arrived at the Shatterdome. Who is he? Where has he come from? Why his perfect, spiky hair? Why his perfect, beautiful Kaiju tattoos? He says his name is Newton Geiszler, but his friends can call him ‘Newt.’ He then winked at me, and I had to restrain myself from doing incredibly filthy things to him, because I had a broadcast to send out.”

Hannibal growls a little in frustration, because _damn_ that new scientist was attractive. 

“In other news, the world government has pulled its support from the Shatterdome and decided to fund the so called ‘Wall of Life’ projects instead. Considering that even Level 2 Kaiju are capable of reducing cities to rubble, I can’t begin to imagine how mere walls will keep the beasts at bay for more than, oh, twenty minutes or so? Do not trust the world government, my dear listeners, they have agendas of their own. Trust the PPDC, who only wish to keep you safe with giant, expensive, and highly experimental robots powered by the brains of the traumatized. Support your Jaeger Pilots, they’re the only thing standing between you and grisly death via Kaiju feet.”

Hannibal plays a prerecorded ad, one of his own, for Kaiju Remedies. Some of them actually work, but he’s not about to let on which are snake oil and which are legit. More fun for the customers that way. He zones out for much of the ad and shakes himself into alertness towards the end.

_“… remember, no one does a Kaiju Remedy like Hannibal Chau! … no one. Because he’s killed off all the competition and has a military contract giving him exclusive rights for the foreseeable future.”_

 

Hannibal clears his throat.

“And now, the weather.”

_Before you left your garrison  
You’d had a drink maybe two  
You don’t remember Paris, hon,   
But it remembers you  
It’s true we flew to Paris dear  
Aboard an army jet  
The night you can’t remember  
The night I can’t forget _

_You said I was terrific it  
Meant zilch to you , ah, but I  
Have our marriage certificate  
And I’ll keep it ’til I die  
You were an army officer  
And I just a Rockette  
The night you can’t remember  
The night I can’t forget_

_No rose conveyed your sentiments  
Not even a petunia  
But you’ve got vague presentiments  
And I’ve got little Junior  
You said “Nobody loves me”  
And I said “Wanna bet?”  
The night you can’t remember  
The night I can’t forget_

“This just in, listeners! A Kaiju has emerged from the breach! Mandatory evacuation is in effect in all coastal towns of Japan, South Korea, and the Philippines. Please proceed to the nearest shelter, and try not to start any fights or lose any limbs.”

Hannibal peers through the glass of his recording studio and grins. Newt is standing on the other side, face pressed to the glass and hands cupped around his eyes, letting him see past the semi-tinted window.

“More pressing still, listeners, is the sight of Newt, the newest scientist to grace our glorious Shatterdome. Perhaps he will agree to be interviewed during our next broadcast.”

New nods enthusiastically from the other side of the glass.

“For now, pray to your gods, old and new, for the speedy defeat of the latest Kaiju. And please, take comfort in the fact that insignificant fleshy ants such as ourselves can take on such enormous monsters, again and again, and still come out swinging.”

Hannibal restrains the urge to add ‘and make money off their corpses,’ for this broadcast, at least. 

“Stay tuned for the thirty minutes of a bulldog licking itself. Goodnight, Shatterdome … goodnight.”


End file.
